How to strengthen your relationships? And you live happily ever after.
No fairy tale story, No baking recipe, No scientific theory, No Mathematical formula...
This is my reflection of experiences and understanding of relationships thereby, strengthening it; to live happily ever after. “The journey of thousand miles begins with one step”... Chinese proverb.
What is Relation SHIP?
Relation is a ‘SHIP’ or relations are ‘SHIPS’. You tend to navigate through it personally, socially, professionally and on few occasions privately, meaning these SHIPS are built in different ways:
Personal (Family) Relations: Mother, Father, siblings, Grandparents, Uncle, and Aunts.
Social Relations: Friends, Neighbours, Doctors, Teachers, Lawyers etc.
Professional Relations: Bosses, super bosses, Colleagues and subordinates etc.
Private Relations: Relation with SELF.
No shipbuilding Industries or company undertakings have ever put their stakes in manufacturing these ‘SHIPS”. It is made exclusively by us - our own Pvt. LTD.
Why do we build Relation SHIPS?
The whole human existence is questionable without these SHIPS. We build and board it knowingly, unknowingly, consciously or unconsciously. The first ship that we ever board (unknowingly and unconsciously) is a WOMB. After nine months of a successful journey when we arrive on earth, we enter into the first set of relations (unconsciously) mother’s lap, father’s arms, brother’s hugs, and sister’s embrace. As soon as we trot out of our homes, we make friends, few consciously and few just happen. Later when we set out for a career, we build professional ties with bosses, colleagues, subordinates etc. (No Options, No Negotiations, No choices) I am not complaining by any means. We give in to our love or arranged settlements. As soon as we are pronounced as husband and wife, we tend to board a new SHIP and set out for a long cruise with the bandwagon of IN laws anticipating: we live happily ever after.
Every SHIP is unique and so are the relations.
How to build strong Relation SHIPS?
In the relay race of life, we encounter people sailing in different SHIPS. Some ships of relations are manufactured for Convenience, for Usefulness, for Crisis control, for revenge, for business gains, etc. Such ships meet the same tragically TITANIC END. It is a matter of time, till pleasantries are exchanged, Crisis managed, Gains and profits accounted, cruising is enjoyed. Later on, such ships are seen as useless and dumped. A hidden motive, an agenda behind association, a purpose for building ships is parasitism and not ideal relation. Be cautious!
Constant value addition, mutual respect, trust are important aspects of long-lasting relationships and understanding this make relationships more fulfilling
Relationship with ‘SELF’
The relationship with ‘SELF’ sets the tone for every other relationship we build.
Unfortunately, we neglect the foundation or backbone of any relationship, which is strong relations with ‘SELF’. We hardly make conscious efforts to board this SHIP, make it strong. So book appointments with yourself right away for strengthening all relationships.
In rendezvous with self
Who are you?
Go beyond your name, your designation or your association with others. Your ethics, your morals, your habits, your behaviour is YOU. You attain it or shape it by your thoughts, your intellect, and also your upbringing and experiences. Trust yourself, Love yourself, respect yourself, pamper yourself, and admire yourself. When did you last appreciate yourself with a compliment? When did you last smile for yourself? When did you say/feel I am worthless? I am hopeless, good for nothing?
Task for you: Write ten things about yourself that you admire the most.
Write ten things that you dislike about yourself.
(Your capabilities, your skills, your instincts, your habits, your appearance, etc.)
All these negative and positive sets of words make your thought process and thereby shapes your inner self. This influences your emotional and mental strength. Compliment yourself for each word that you admire about yourself. Write it, close your eyes, and feel it. Similarly, write what you are going to do with the negative files that are stacked in your head. Write against these words and make a plan to erase it or at least improve on it. Your first task makes you concerned for yourself, this is priming for a beautiful relationship with yourself and with others. Are you ready to sail?
Book a date .... of course with yours truly.
Dating with SELF
And the award for the most beautiful/ handsome....
Did you hear Snowhite? Or Tom Cruise? Or Melinda? If you did, let me tell you, you haven’t taken care of yourself for ages. This seems to have taken away your beauty, from you.” Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder “. If you feel beautiful, only then you can look beautiful. High time you visualise this and put the SHIP on repair. Caring for self is not an indulgence, it is SELF PRESERVATION. Embrace yourself, your individuality, your uniqueness, and be thankful, You are You. If you aren’t appreciating yourself, if you aren’t taking care of your health, your well being the world would never seem a beautiful place to live. Prioritize self-care! Sleep, nutrition, recreation, and good habits are foundations of self-care. They are building blocks that set thoughts in the right direction. This is important for strengthening the relationship with others via you.
Task for you: Prepare a self-care schedule ( Sleep time, Wake up time, Exercise time, Meditation time, Mealtime, Recreation time, Work time................... DATING TIME: You with you)
Prepare a chart: Scribble your needs, your wants, your desires, and expectations (not materialistic but mental and emotional). What have you done about it? What are you doing about it? Put in your efforts, DEMAND if needed.
Understand that your emotional and mental needs and desires are as important as others. A baby, the apple of the eye for all, cries hard when he/she needs food, wants to sleep, and also for AFFECTION and SECURITY. So it is not just about food and clothing, it is also about emotions. Why the hesitation or the guilt in demanding for it?
Trace your Smile
Are you smiling just for Facebook and Instagram updates?
Connect with yourself!
See yourself clearly and objectively (this time not in the mirror) but through reflection and introspection. When we evaluate our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we become more self-aware. It gives us clarity; it makes us proactive and encourages positive self-development. It allows us to sit and analyse things from our perspective vis-à-vis others. This brings a genuine smile.
Are you cooperating with the differences?
Relations are Mutual!
You may need a hug after a stressful day, but your partner may like a walk together, sit and chat. This can happen, if made to happen. Cooperate with the differences. Give and take! There should be nothing like sacrificing and sulking. If you stack your sacrifices every day, you’ll never trace your smile.
Are you playing the Guess Game?
Communicate in a meaningful language!
Communicate: If you say: I am fine, but you aren’t. If you want to buy trousers for yourself but anticipate, your partner reads your mind and surprises you. You are faltering by this guess game or decoding game, rather faltering miserably in communication. Communicate!!! Make life easy and trace your smile.
Listen: When I say this, I mean Listen and not just HEAR. Mind it!! Listening doesn’t mean agreeing or submitting without agreeing. If you are in a habit of doing this, you’ll lose your smile.
Expectations: If you always expect to get what you want you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Remember your mother crushed your urges for junk food with healthy food on many occasions.
Humour: LOL!! A ‘Smiley’ or Emoji doesn’t positively impact your brain and nervous system. You have to laugh to reduce stress and get through tough times. Read a book, watch comedy shows or a movie.
Fun Time: Volunteer for community work, visit friends, connect with them, go for walks and drives. Rejuvenate and trace your smile.
Task for you:
Are you sacrificing all your desires and pleasing others?
Are you playing a Guess Game with your partner?
Are you trying Dumb Charades to communicate your needs?
Believe me! No one is a mind reader. Life isn’t a Movie where all emotional needs are taken care of in a telepathic way. In the real world, you’ll have to read your mind all by yourself and identify and communicate in a meaningful language. Listen, Laugh, Do what excites you.
Give change a chance.
How you treat yourself is how you treat others. If you are parasitic by nature, eating and decaying your inner self with negativity and low opinion about yourself, you emerge as an emotionally weak person, a sulker, and a sucker. You are seen as a moody, whimsical, and imbalanced person, and by default; you start spreading negativity all around. You fight a lone battle, distort, and fall apart in any and every SHIP that you board. This occurs because you have drained yourself emotionally. So for strengthening relationships, stop decaying yourself with negative thoughts and ill feelings for yourself.
Task: Fight your Negativity
Start writing: Vomit out all your grievances, weakening thoughts, etc. Write why were you hurt? Why do you feel low? What made you angry? What made you sad? Scribble, scratch, and foil papers.
Go for a walk: scream, shout at full lungs.
Talk : Discuss with friends, Talk to yourself.
Punch the bag: Punch the bag or pierce the effigy of the affecting person to ward off all your anger.
Counselling : Take professional help.
NEGATIVITY SHOULD GO now and forever. Identify the best way you can vent out your negative feeling. Just do it now!
Be Emotionally strong!!
Are you waiting for a motivational talk?
Bank on yourself for strength and support!
Be your own motivational guru. This does not mean cutting yourself off from everybody. Instead pledge, to be true to yourself, to be capable of independent thoughts and decisions, to be able to nurture your interests, and to be able to pursue them independently. Identifying things that give you happiness, motivate you to pursue it, and find time for it. Developing self-acceptance makes you powerful. Acquiring self-knowledge and practising self-compassion liberates you. Take charge of your life and feel proud.
You are Important!
Do you love and respect yourself?
Give respect to others, Tolerate, Love all. This has been our general conditioning. So we forget respecting, loving, and caring for ourselves. With tolerance, we give charge of our life to others who in the process interpret our tolerance as our weakness and in no time the SHIPS start falling apart. You may still coexist but never come close to self. Bear in mind: Relationships are strengthened if they hold mutual respect. This holds good not only between partners but also in a relationship with self. If you do not respect yourself, if you constantly bruise your sentiments, you will devour your self-esteem forever.
Celebrate yourself, celebrate your being.
Every creature born on this planet is important and contributes significantly. Grasses in the lawn, ants on the floor, and wasps on the flower have a mission in life and accomplish it with their capabilities. Every creature has to put effort into living a smooth life. Storms, floods, cyclone affects all. You are not alienated. Fight your miseries. You are capable. If you don’t value yourself no one would.
Give value to yourself. Be value.
Meditation and Yoga
Meditation is the process of focussing attention on oneself. Helps in letting the negative thoughts drift. It also helps in identifying thoughts and feelings and channelize it properly. Yoga helps in disciplining body and mind. While the body is stretching and flexing, your mind learns to discipline itself.
Stay healthy, Live healthy!
Practice Mindfulness & Maintain a good balance
Live in the present rather than ruminating over past or daydreaming. Mindful walking, eating, and listening helps. Make time to reflect. Go over to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour to see where you met your standards and where you failed, where do you need improvement? Don’t punish yourself too harshly. To err is human. Correcting and accepting your mistake is the best way to reform. You can try writing a journal, talking out loud, or sitting with yourself. . Enjoy imperfections. Promote Compassion. It can be a powerful and empowering force in strengthening your Relationships
Money can’t buy a strong relationship for you. You need to put in efforts.Talk to yourself, discuss relationships. Regular discussions and counselling are important for keeping things in perspective. Never ignore things that can turn into a problem. Address it instantly.
More power to you. Good Luck!